Cur Cogito

So I think I learned/relearned a valueable lesson today. That is of course, don’t base your day around other people. The thing about other people is that they are, in fact, transitory and everchanging (just like everything else). Plans never make much sense beyond the scope of your own life. Never get hyped up about something, the end destination that may or may not exist. The main point is to enjoy the journey to that unknown destination. People get false expectations, which lead to suffering. I would dare say most if not all suffering is caused by false expectations.

The funny thing is, is that a lot of people can show empathy towards you when you explain to them that your plans were ruined. Indeed, it is one of the most relate-able things. But indeed this realization is the only cure needed to living a happy life.

Anyways…

Do you ever have a terribly depressing day, I mean like horrible. So bad you cry yourself to sleep. I had one of those last night. But, you know what the funny thing about going to sleep is? It seems to take all of those problems that seemed so real and significant, and leave you feeling refreshed and happy in the morning. I’m aware that this doesn’t happen with a lot of people, so I guess I’m blessed to have this level of ignorance in the morning, but boy is it nice.

Maybe someday soon I’ll write some sort of blog series on my life, how ever short it is. I’ve realized I have accumulated a rather large sum of dramatic and incredibly horrible stories that would leave most people insane (as it has left me). I am a firm believer that you are given as much hardship as you can handle to make you stronger. Which, on a related note, is also why I think people’s hardships and difficulties are completely relative. Never discredit someone else’s life just because you think your life has been hard. That would be quite silly.

But anyways, today has been good. Lots of sun, even though I’m working right now. I work at a library in the college I go to. It’s a quite relaxed job. The weird sort of people keep it interesting. Anyways, I really should get back to work.

More to come. –

So today was fun. Really fun, actually, despite what I had thought it would be previously. I woke up around 1pm, after a few hours of sleep. You see, last night, I couldn’t really sleep. Not because of some insomnia, or that my sleep schedule was out of balance, but because of the incessant banging and screaming of my neighbors at 3 in the morning. My god. It was terrible. I was caught between calling the police and putting on some loud music to drown it out. The trouble is, I just ended up curled on my couch/bed listening to it unfold. It was mostly unintellegible, but what I did hear leaves me far to much information than I should know about the people I share a wall with.

But I digress. Today was amazing. The sun was shining, it was warm, and I hadn’t a thing to do. I spent most of it wandering around outside, pondering the most random of thoughts alone. There was no one really to call, no one to hang out with. It was nice. I’ve learned, since I got hear to Olympia, to enjoy the company of myself. I think now, more than ever, I really appreciate the solitude of my own mind. Not in a bad, antisocial way…don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with friends and doing things. But sometimes (most all of the time now), I’d rather take a walk around the lake alone, or laugh hysterically in my bathroom with only my neighbors to question my sanity.

I’ve found lately that my life, whether I like it or not, is a series of chaotically connected events that have an end goal (usually some weird moral lesson) but mainly just a twisted malevolent plot that leads me into circumstances I wouldn’t sanely put myself in. I realize thats a bit hard to follow, but these thoughts I’ve been having had just hit me today, so I haven’t had time to sort them through.

It’s good to focus on what you like, what makes you feel fullfilled, no matter what it looks like to others. For example, I happen to enjoy ranting (online in this case),  laughing hysterically at literally nothing in particular, and cherishing the silence of my own mind. I’ve decided recently that these are the only things I will ever need in order to live a happy life. Comfort is key.  If  I was not able to feel safe and comfortable in my environment, my home, then I would surely not be able to feel comfortable within my own mind.

But anyways, thats enough for now. Tomorrow I hope to enjoy the sun, among other things. I’m sure I’ll have something to say then.